The film, Fifty Shades Of Grey, based on an erotica novel by the same title, has been released here, just before Valentine’s Day.
In the story, a university graduate and a wealthy businessman enter into contractual sex with bondage, dominance and sadomasochism elements. The film has been rated ‘R’ in the United States and banned in Malaysia.
A study published in Journal of Women’s Health last year concluded that there are strong correlations between health risks in women’s lives, including violence victimisation, and consumption of Fifty Shades.
Female readers were more likely than non-readers to have had a partner who abused them verbally and to report fasting, binge drinking, using diet aids and having five or more intercourse partners.
Despite this, the novel and the film’s trailer have been popular. This is understandable, since humans have a longing for intimacy. However, sexual intimacy is not the same as relational intimacy.
A person’s felt need for gratification may not meet his/her real need for connection and lasting love. Relational intimacy transcends sexual experiences and is best sought out in wholesome ways for it to be truly fulfilling.
Ironically, focusing on the body rather than the person lessens both emotional connection and sexual appetite.
The authors of the book, Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart, explain that erotica/pornography “teach you to be sexually aroused by looking away from your partner, not toward him”.
“You may be engaging your body with him, but your imagination is with some fictional character. That’s not intimacy.
“Erotica and porn impact your brain in a manner that breeds tolerance. What was sexually arousing a few months ago will no longer be enough ... This is how men and women get drawn into increasingly hard-core porn and/or sexually acting out what they have seen or read.”
The untold story behind Fifty Shades is that engaging in erotica and pornography drives a wedge in marital relationships, often impeding the true intimacy many couples long for, as recounted in many of the marital counselling cases we have seen.
Spouses would do better to build on the fundamentals of a loving relationship. This includes communicating sexual and emotional needs with each other instead of unwittingly seeking fulfilment and attempting to fill emotional voids through erotica and pornography.
In the story, a university graduate and a wealthy businessman enter into contractual sex with bondage, dominance and sadomasochism elements. The film has been rated ‘R’ in the United States and banned in Malaysia.
A study published in Journal of Women’s Health last year concluded that there are strong correlations between health risks in women’s lives, including violence victimisation, and consumption of Fifty Shades.
Female readers were more likely than non-readers to have had a partner who abused them verbally and to report fasting, binge drinking, using diet aids and having five or more intercourse partners.
Despite this, the novel and the film’s trailer have been popular. This is understandable, since humans have a longing for intimacy. However, sexual intimacy is not the same as relational intimacy.
A person’s felt need for gratification may not meet his/her real need for connection and lasting love. Relational intimacy transcends sexual experiences and is best sought out in wholesome ways for it to be truly fulfilling.
Ironically, focusing on the body rather than the person lessens both emotional connection and sexual appetite.
The authors of the book, Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart, explain that erotica/pornography “teach you to be sexually aroused by looking away from your partner, not toward him”.
“You may be engaging your body with him, but your imagination is with some fictional character. That’s not intimacy.
“Erotica and porn impact your brain in a manner that breeds tolerance. What was sexually arousing a few months ago will no longer be enough ... This is how men and women get drawn into increasingly hard-core porn and/or sexually acting out what they have seen or read.”
The untold story behind Fifty Shades is that engaging in erotica and pornography drives a wedge in marital relationships, often impeding the true intimacy many couples long for, as recounted in many of the marital counselling cases we have seen.
Spouses would do better to build on the fundamentals of a loving relationship. This includes communicating sexual and emotional needs with each other instead of unwittingly seeking fulfilment and attempting to fill emotional voids through erotica and pornography.
